Just the Facts:

Game Time: 7:30 PM, Bell Centre. TV Broadcast: RDS. Streams or nothin’ if you live in Boston. Radio Broadcast: 98.5 The Sports Hub. Goucher and Beers all the way.

Rival SB Nation Site: Some jerks idk

Preseason Record: Habs 1-0-0 vs. Bruins 0-0-0

Habs Lines:

#Habs forwards vs Bruins De La Rose-Plekanec-Sekac, Bourque-Hudon-Sherbak, Sorkin-Andrighetto-Thomas, Bowman-Dowell-McCarron #HabsIO

— Pat Hickey (@zababes1) September 23, 2014

Bruins Lines:

Fraser-Krejci-Eriksson Camara-Soderberg-Ferlin Paille-Spooner-Gagne Caron-Kelly-Randell Seidenberg-Boychuk Warsofsky-Miller Morrow-Casto

— Boston Bruins (@NHLBruins) September 23, 2014

Niklas Svedberg and Malcolm Subban the goalies

— Boston Bruins (@NHLBruins) September 23, 2014

Game Notes:

Since no one in America is showing this, here’s how I’m predicting this is all gonna go down.

  • David Pastrnak will play, and he will score an Ovechtrick against whatever shit goalie the Habs decide to ice tonight.
  • Alexander Khokhlachev will secure his roster spot by assisting on seven of those nine goals.
  • Someone on the Habs will fling their stick so hard out of sheer frustration at Pastrnak’s Ovechtrick that it’ll hit Gregory Campbell in the press box hard enough to ensure he can’t play this season.
  • Loui will look fiiiiiiine. Swedes, man.
  • Carl Soderberg will score from his blind side.
  • The Bruins will sign Torey Krug and Reilly Smith mid-game, and at least one of them will make an epic WWE-style entrance for the third period.
  • The Habs will score no goals and Tomas Plekanec will give himself whiplash snapping his neck back in an attempt to draw a call.
  • The third period will briefly be interrupted when Zdeno Chara eats David Desharnais.
  • Niklas Svedberg will open the bench door at just the wrong (right?) moment so Max Pacioretty falls in at his feet. (hey, he’s done it before.)

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